


secrets

by Jxjxjx



Series: half baked ideas [4]
Category: Avatar: Legend of Korra
Genre: Angst, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, F/M, Friendship, Happy Ending, Implied/Referenced Cheating, Linzin - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-16
Updated: 2020-09-16
Packaged: 2021-03-06 21:27:18
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,710
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26495623
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Jxjxjx/pseuds/Jxjxjx
Summary: this is the backstory from my other story book of air ch 17 and ch 21 but you don't really need to read it to follow along
Relationships: Lin Beifong/Tenzin, Pema & Tenzin (Avatar)
Series: half baked ideas [4]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1896814
Comments: 5
Kudos: 34





	secrets

**Author's Note:**

> this is the backstory from my other story book of air ch 17 and ch 21 but that ch is recapped in this.

\- 17 years before season 1

Jinora was a lucky child. A blessed child, Katara would say, Blessed by the spirits that kept her alive. Lin and Tenzin had not planned on having kids or at least as young as they did. Lin had been against kids from the outset, Tenzin wanted a family desperately, but having a kid at 25 was too young for even him. Jade had been an accident, one that Lin to this day would blame on Bumi and Kya's need to drang her and Tenzin to a bar and get drunk every time they were home. They had been far too drunk for sex that night, and been too hungover the next morning to remember to take the woman's tea. Then Monday rolled around and both had forgotten the weekend's events for nearly two months before Lin had been training one day and felt the heartbeat. She had never been so terrified. She had left work and gone up to the mountain around Republic city and just sat trying to feel the heartbeat every so often. Everytime it had been there, steady and strong as her own. By the end of the day, Lin couldn't decide if she wanted not to be there or fear that it wouldn't. Lin was still vehemently against the idea of kids but there was something in the heart beat that made her scared to not hear it anymore. She hadn't gone home to tell Tenzin she instead had gone back to the office and brokedown in her mother's office. They hadn't been close in years at that point but Toph might be the only person she knew who would sympathize with the situation she was in. Toph had maybe unsurprisingly told her to suck it up and face it head on like an earth bender and She had. It had all turned out okay too.

She loved Jade more than she thought was possible, but Jade was an earthbender and no matter what Tenzin or Aang or anyone else she always felt the pressure of being married to the last airbender. It had been her aversion to marriage in the first place. She knew Aang certainly never had an expectation of her and Tenzin or Tenzin for that matter. But Tenzin did have expectations of how he should live up to his father and that did involve airbending kids even if he wouldn't say that. The rest of the world seemed surprised how Jade could possibly be an earth bender and not an air bender even though the girl was a Beifong. Lin knew the white lotus expected another child, she also knew the white lotus was not stupid enough to bug her or Tenzin about it especially as Aang wouldn't approve. Nevertheless Lin had agreed to try for a second child even suggested it because she loved Jade and she had thought what the hell. They hadn't gotten pregnant pretty quickly. But the child's energy had always been weak, weak enough that Katara had warned them that she wouldn't survive. Lin had gone into Labor two weeks early with her and it was a miracle the girl survived. Katara was almost positive she was a non bender because of her chi and it looks like she was right. They named her Jinora and it looked like Katara was right up until the age of five. At that point Aang's all 168 years finally catching up with him. Katara knew it, Tenzin knew it and Lin knew it. Toph had also left the city and her position as chief of police to Lin after Sokka died. They hadn't parted on the best of terms and it hurt Lin. At 34 Lin had become police chief and a year prior Tenzin had taken over on the council. They both had two full time jobs and a nine and four year old at home, another kid was out of the question. Both knew that they were barely giving enough time to Jade and Jinora as it was and if not for Tenzin parents they would be completely lost. That was okay with Lin, Jade was quickly becoming a handful in her own right and Jinora was still at the age where she needed help all the time and sick half the time. Lin didn't need more.

* * *

Tenzin needed more. He needed more time. He simply could not find the time in his day to do it all. He needed more time to read the endless council proposals. He needed more time to play with his kids and listen to how their day had been at school. He needed more time with his father whose health was finally failing him. He needed more time to help his mother who was practically raising his kids and taking care of her dying husband. He needed more time with his wife who he felt like he only saw when he rolled over in the mornings. He needed more time to himself because he felt like he couldn't breath around everyone, especially his family. He felt like almost every night he was trying not to snap at one of the kids or Lin. He had made it a habit of coming out to a little clearing overlooking the water near the temple. It was far away from his family's home and therefore quiet and lonely. Until one day he met someone there. She was already there when he got there. It had been a long day which included him and Lin fighting over the fact that she hadn't been home for dinner at all that week.

She had told him. "if you wanted to tell the triads that I needed to be home by six that would be fine by me but otherwise to leave me alone." He had stormed off here because if he didn't he was going to scream. It was a young woman. She had a letter in her hands and looked upset.

"Uh Hello," He said gently, trying not to be awkward.

The woman, an acolyte, jumped. "Oh, uh sorry I didn't see you." She said surprised.

Tenzin had seen her around the temple before but not much. She was young, he guessed she was new here. "No, it's fine don't leave on my account." Tenzin told her, coming to stand next to the rock she sat on. "I'm Tenzin, what's your name?"

"Pema," Pema said smiling up at him. That would be the start of what was a whole lot of trouble for him but he didn't know it yet.

* * *

-16 years before season 1

Tenzin over the next six months cultivated a friendship with Pema. It was nice having someone to talk to that didn't judge him the way everyone else was. His father's condition had improved for a while but not took a turn for the worse. His mother was not optimistic. Lin was being run into the ground at work because the triads wanted to test the new chief especially since everyone in the world knew that Avatar Aang was dying. Tenzin swore the next person who asked him how his dad was, was going to be the last. Pema was the only person who didn't put any pressure on him, everyone else, even his mother and wife expected something of him, it seemed like. He was supposed to do this or that and it was getting to him. Pema would listen and often want to talk about nothing that had to do with politics, his dad or the police which was nice. He could listen to her talk about her day and the simple things in it like how one of acolytes had messed up the flower pattern while planting the beds. No near death story, no decision that would impact the entire city and most importantly no legacy he needed to uphold. Legacy might weigh on him the most. He knew the world waited for the news that he had an airbending child but he didn't and he couldn't imagine having a third kid now.

"How are you?" Pema asked as he joined her for the third time that week at their little spot.

"My wife is mad at me and at least one of my kids hates me right now." Tenzin sighed at her. "Jade is like a mini Toph and a mini Lin at the same time. She is going to be the death of me. And Lin is mad because Jinora spilled ink everywhere while I was working and didn't notice it. Jinora's just getting over yet another fever and... " Tenzin lets out a loud sigh again rubbing his forehead. "I'm sorry I shouldn't bore you with this."

"It's ok." Pema said gently. They sat in silence watching the twilight. "You don't talk about her to me you know." Pema says after a while. "Your wife."

"Yes well, lately it seems like there isn't much good to talk about with my family." Tenzin said almost to himself. These were the things he could admit to Pema and only Pema.

* * *

Pema wasn't stupid or blind. She knew Tenzin was married and had two kids, but that didn't stop her from falling in love with him. She had seen him around the temple for a few months before she actually talked to him. He was hot, all the young acolytes would say so. It was a bit of an unspoken rule that they weren't supposed to say anything about the rest of his family. Chief Lin Biefong was from a distance as intimidating as her picture in the paper made her seem. Pema had never actually seen her up close, she knew the chief of police had two kids and a busy job. The kids would only occasionally make an appearance around the temple usually with their grandfather when he was feeling up to it. The oldest didn't seem to like the acolytes very much and the youngest was tiny for her age and shy. The first time she met Tenzin had been by mistake she had been looking for a quiet place to read a letter from home that she knew contained bad news. She was from a small town in the fire nation and had left behind parents and a grandfather. She had known it would be the last time she would see her grandfather this letter only carried the conformation. Tenzin had come up behind her and they had talked. At first it was random and innocent. They simply like to sit at the same place then it became more and more regular. They would talk about everything and nothing. Tenzin seemed to be in need of someone to listen and she did she would listen at how the council was, how his kids were, how his wife was never home, and how his parents were. He would ask her about her day and how she was. He was the first person that had taken an interest in really getting to know her, not just the basic small talk common around the temple. She is embarrassed she let it happen, but it snuck up on her. Her affection for him growing bit by bit until she knew she was in love. Her friend Noemi is Tenzin's babysitter/ nanny picking up the slack from when both him and Lin are working and don't want to burren Katara.

She asks her "What are they like? As a couple or a family? I never see them together you know." She makes it innocent enough and in fairness it is a question almost all the acolytes have it, at least the newer ones. The acolytes are a gossipy bunch really.

Noemi doesn't give her a straight answer. "Like any other family." Pema isn't surprised, part of the reason Noemi was chosen to be welcomed into the house was because she was discrete and a private person. Still some time she lets things slip usually around new in the paper. 'Oh I guess that was what that fight was about' or something similar that let on that she knew far more about that last airbenders family than anyone else. It was the one thing Tenzin didn't talk to her about. Sometimes he would talk about his kids but his parents and Lin were non starts. It made it worse, it would be easier to remember he was married if he talked about his wife more. Pema could keep up with big things in the newspaper as the press loved to talk about Councilman Tenzin and Chief Lin Beifong. She knew that they were very busy and very successfully. She also knew that neither was home much. She really didn't know how it happened but she did fall for him. It was the little thing she thought of how he always remembered things she liked or didn't like, how he was kind to everything, even the trees. How he smiled at her bad jokes and made plenty of his own. He was just easy to be around.

One day they were sitting out looking at the water and talking. When he leans over to swat a fly out of her way. His face is so close. She doesn't know what comes over him but she just kisses him barely. It barely qualified as a peck, she's so embarrassed. She jumps up and can see by the look on his face that he doesn't love her back.

"I'm so sorry" She stammers and runs off before he can respond. She goes back to her room and cries herself to sleep that night. How stupid could she have been. The next day she finds Noemi and drags her back to her room to talk. She tells her everything about meeting Tenzin and how they kepted meeting and then the kiss.

"Oh you poor girl." Noemi murmurs to her gently, giving her a hug. "I know it's hard right now, but you'll be okay. I promise."

"I can't believe who stupid I was to act on it." Pema cries. "I know he's married. He had two freaking kids for goodness sake."

Noemi tries to sooth her. "It's for the best that it happened now so it doesn't continue." She tells her. "Because I know they fight, believe me I know. But I can also tell you that they love each other."

Pema nods into her shoulder, she knows it too because the very few times Tenzin brings up his wife. He has a far away look in his eye even when he's complaining about her. Lin might be absent and she might be difficult but Tenzin loves her, she remembers hearing they have been together since they were 16, she thought. She didn't have any illusions of him throwing away a 19 year relationship for her, a girl he saw a few times a week and never outside their little meeting spot. There isn't a shadow of a doubt in her mind that he adores his daughter even if Jade is the second coming of Toph Beifong and Jinora is always sick. "I need to get out of here. I think it's for the best, everyone's best." She says.

"Me too. I know some people at the southern air temple. I know it's sudden but you could leave tomorrow with the supplies that are going."

"No sudden is good." Pema says. "Tomorrow."

* * *

What Pema doesn't know is that Tenzin's on the other side of the door and heard the entire conversation. He likes Pema a lot, maybe even more than he should. But he knows he's not in love with her. When he sees her the world doesn't stop spinning like it does for Lin. He doesn't have any strong emotion with her which is part of the reason he can talk to her so easily. Pema is also even keeled and down to earth, whereas Lin and him are fiery. He never feels such strong emotion with anyone else but with Lin. Pema lets him float but Lin grounds him. Lin is the constant presence in his life and every one of his happiest memories has Lin in it. They fight, they do and right now it seems like more often than not but when they work, they work. Lin gave him two beautiful daughters that he adores more than anything but their mother. Lin was the one to push him to take the place on the council despite everything else going on in their lives. Lin's the one who can calm him down no matter what. He loves her and He would never leave her.

What he had found in Pema was friendship and someone to lean an ear, he never even looked at her as anything but a friend or perhaps a baby sister. He feels bad that what he thought was friendship had hurt her. Selfishly, a huge part of him is also grateful that she is leaving and he can hide and pretend he's busy and never have to deal with it again. He was an airbender he hated conflict and this was definitely conflict. He's also embarrassed, that he didn't see it and that he allowed it to happen, because, while he would never leave Lin. The idea of leaving her makes him very uncomfortable especially since lately it seems everyone is hinting at the fact marrying such a powerful bender was a mistake. That makes him mad beyond belief to insinuate that his kids were a mistake! The white lotus were the worst offender but they were far from the only ones. Ever since he was a kid he knew people just assumed he'd have a bunch of airbending kids to repopulate the world. That hadn't happened but it wasn't by mistake. He chose Lin and would always choose her even if they never had a kid. He would choose Jade and Jinora, if spirits forbid Lin died, before getting another wife. It was always Lin and always would be. He was no fool, they had been going through a rough patch but his father was dying, Jinora was always sick, and they were both overworked and overstressed. Tenzin knew it had nothing to do with their love for each other.

Still that night lying next to her in bed was weird for the first time in 19 years. She had been excited when she came home and kissed him hard. He had been surprised but welcomed it. He had asked what it had been about and she had said she'd tell him later. She never did when they had gone to bed that night, she had pressed him into the bed and they had made love. He hadn't thought about Pema since she had kissed him just before dinner until now, not even during dinner when his mother had mentioned the acolytes trip to the southern air temple. And now looking at the love of his life naked body next to him he knew he made the right choice in marrying her almost nine years ago. He would never regret it no matter what.

* * *

-Present day beginning of season 2

Tenzin was in the library of the southern air temple when someone walked up to him. "Pema, it's been so long."

"What? 16 years," Pema was saying.

"Yes I believe so," Tenzin said. "How have you been?"

"Good. I like it here." Pema said to him. "Look I wanted to apologize for how I left things all those years ago. I didn't mean to do what I did or to run away without apologizing. it was wrong of me." Tenzin had brushed her off, saying it was all in the past. "I'm glad to hear it. It was good seeing you." She said before taking her leave. Tenzin had never expected to see her again. They had left things awkwardly and he wasn't proud of having led her on in any way. Lin had come up to him not long after.

"Can we go for a walk?" she asks. He nods, taking her arm and leading her out of the library. They walk out of the temple down the mountain for wase before stopping looking out over the valley. Tenzin can't help but wrap his arms around her and kiss her temple, she's enchanting. She leans back into him. He loves when she lets him hold her like this, she the most amazing thing Tenzin ever laid eyes on.

"I uh hear you talking to that girl in the library." Lin admits.

He tenses. "You did?" He asked, trying to keep his voice casual.

"Just the end of it, what did she apologize for?" Lin asks. He pauses for a second before letting go of her. She turns and faces him.

He looks down. "Lin…" He trails off.

He can see the concern and confusion on her face. "What, Ten?" It is the nickname she uses that he most likes and he feels worse.

"I- it happened over 16 years ago now. And it doesn't matter, it didn't matter then." He says toying with his hands.

"What tenzin?"

"She- we-," Tenzin stumbled over his words. "We were friends, sort of. I would talk to her sometime." He doesn't know how to tell her, but she waited for him to continue. "We met by accident and she was upset so I talked to her and then we ran into each other again and we talked. It sort of became a friendship." He tried to explain. He was trying very hard to explain because it was complicated and he didn't want to hurt her. "She had a crush on me apparently and tried to kiss me."

Lin's eyes narrowed. "She what?"

"It was barely a kiss I pulled back obviously and she was embarrassed and ran away before I could say anything." Tenzin said quickly. Lin raised an eyebrow at him telling him to continue. "She left to come here before I ever could confront her about it. I haven't seen her since." He finished. "Please don't be mad."

Lin was floored. "Please don't be mad? Why the hell didn't you tell me?" She explodes at him.

"There was a lot going on" He defended himself and that set her off even more.

"A lot going on? You have to be joking" Lin said through gritted teeth.

"There was! You just became chief, I was new on the council, we had two kids, one of which was always sick and my father was dying." Tenzin argued back which might have been the stupidest thing he could have done. It was also the truth he did feel like he was being overrun with everything at the time. Pema had been a chance to vent some of that off.

"Not that much for a 10 minute conversation. It's not like she was going through with it." Lin shot back clenching her fist.

"Exactly! It's why doesn't matter" Tenzin stressed, it didn't he never, never, would have reciprocated Pema's affection.

"If it didn't matter you would have told me" Lin seethed. "You hide it from me so this girl must have meant something to you."

"What?" Tenzin cried. "No she wasn't anything but a friend. She is 15 years younger than us for spirits sake! Closer to Jade's age than ours." If Pema had been anything more than a friend it would have been a baby sister would have been what he said.

"Oh so you had a thing with a younger woman. That's supposed to make me feel so much better." Lin said sarcastically, throwing her hands in the air.

"We didn't have a 'thing'! I love you and only you." Tenzin emphasized to her and it was true. He loved her and had loved her since they were 15.

The air went out of Lin a little bit. "I know that now and then but you still hurt me." She says quieter turning away from him.

"I didn't mean to." Tenzin said softly. He was trying very hard to keep his composure but this was hurting him to see her hurt look so betrayed.

"I don't know how you couldn't have." Lin said, shaking her head at him. "Just go. I need to think." He turned around and left her alone. It was a reasonable request. He couldn't stop kicking himself. He hadn't thought about Pema in 16 years until he ran into her today. Why hadn't he told Lin about her all of those years ago. He could have told her that he had a friend Lin had never had a problem with that, but he never mentioned Pema to anyone. She was a secret that he had held for years for a reason he could articulate, but had everything to do with feeling trapped.

* * *

\- End of season two after rescuing Jinora 

Tenzin knew he fucked up. He knew he should have told Lin about and wanted nothing more than to go back in time and make his younger self do that. Now he just needed to figure out a way to make it up to Lin. That started with apologing and talking about it with Lin. He had been trying to find the words and the time to do that for a while now but ever since their daughter had been trapped in the spirit world their problems had been put on the back burner. Now she was back save and sound, Korra have saved the world and He was exhausted. It was nearly midnight by the time he finally fell into bed. 

Tenzin's so relieved when Lin drops into bed next to him after checking on the kids. He's far too exhausted emotionally and physically after getting Jinora back. The last thing he could take was dealing with their fight before the world went to hell not that he'd blame her. He was also aware of the small bed they had been given at his mother's with everyone here. Yet, his entire being wants nothing more than to reach for her. This had been far from easy on her too and he's worried about her but he figures that might be pushing his luck.

Lin had different plans, she rolled towards him, eyes already closed. "We'll talk in the morning, tonight, forget the last month ever happened." She mutters as she moves closer to him.

Tenzin didn't need to be told twice, he grabbed at her waist pulling her into his chest until she was complete against him. He feels her sigh in contentment and exhaustion against his collarbone as he kisses her hair before resting his chin on her head. She's been pushing it more than he had ever since Jinora went missing and the fog of lost souls worried him. He knew she had seen her far share of horror stories as a cop and knew that would likely take a great toll than she'd ever let on. He looked down at the woman in his arms, he felt like his heart would burst every time he laid eyes on her. He never fell asleep easier than with his wife in his arms, a month apart had only reinforced that and that he loves her more than he could ever express to her. In the morning he'd make everything up to her he swore or he'd start. They had been together for so long that Tenzin couldn't tell where his life and her's were separate. Lin's actions tonight had lessened some of the dread in his stomach about the conversation they were gong to have in the morning. They went for a walk to the cliff outside of town to talk without being interrupted.

"I'm so sorry" Tenzin starts, practically breathing the words out as soon as they stopped walking. He had been feeling the anticipation building in him to get this over with as soon as they had left his mothers. 

"Why?" Lin asks in return. "Why didn't you tell me or talk to me instead of her? Why did it happen?" 

Tenzin studies her search for how to answer. It was a hard question to answer, one that he really didn't know the answer to. "I don't know why her, maybe because she was there and I couldn't bother you with it."

"Why not Tenz? Unless you haven't told me something else, this is the only secret between us." They knew everything about each other mostly because every meaningful event in both their lives the other had been there for. "we've been married for 25 year Ten. You can tell me anything, I'm not going anywhere."

Tenzin grimaced. She was right this was something that shouldn't be a secret between them. "We were going through a rough point, there's no denying that" Tenzin sighs. "With my dad and Jinora sick, your mom just left. We weren't each other's top priorities and we-I got complacent in the fact that you were always there. I could go through this and you would be there when I was ready no matter what."

"Was it really that bad, to where you didn't feel you could talk to me." They had been stretched thin and by result it wasn't the best time in their marriage. It wasn't their worst fight, there were fights that had left them both ignoring each other but never for more than a day. back then, they had hardly even fought.

"I no, Lin, How could I put more on you? You already had so much, I couldn't ask you to solve my insecurities." Tenzin said. Lin had been doing everything at the time. She was the one working close to 70 hours a week coming home dealing with two unruly kids helping his mom and being a his wife. His feeling should have been a stress reliever at the time but they weren't. So had chosen not to burren her with his feeling that he had no right to complain to her about anyways. She was dealing with far more. 

"You aren't a burden, Tenzin" Lin sighs, shaking her head. "I'd do anything for you and the kids. I just want to see you happy."

"Me too. That's why I didn't want to be a burden." Tenzin said.

"You should have told me I could've taken it, you know that. There's not much you can say to hurt me you know." She sends him a small smile at the try for humor. He smiles at her and lets the conversation lull for a minute.

"I felt like I was being pulled in so many directions and I wasn't enough for any of them." He says after a while. "I wasn't a good enough councilman, I wasn't a good enough airbender, I wasn't a good enough son, I wasn't a good enough husband or father." The last part he says quietly looking away from her. He still feels like that sometimes especially when the kids were young though he felt like he was floundering. 

Lin narrowed her eyes at him, a little stunned at how he could possibly think that, her expression would have been comical to him under different circumstances. "How could you ever think you aren't good enough for me and the kids." She grabs his arms forcing him to face her. "You are an amazing father, certainly better than mine and Bumi and Kya will tell you your dad as well. The kids adore you and I would have never finally agreed to marry you if you weren't good enough for me. You're the only man I'd ever considered marrying." She emphasizes it to make sure he got that through his clearly incredible thick head.

"We were arguing the kids were a handful and everyone else had expectations if not theirs then mine." Tenzin says holding up his hand to stop her from interrupting "I wanted to be a better husband to you because you are the most amazing human being in the universe and I failed in that and this proves it. I'm sorry."

"Oh Ten I don't need you to be perfect. I just need you to be there. I'm sorry I'd make you feel like you were." Lin told him squeezing his hand.

"You did, Lin. You could scream at me every other day and I'd still be the luckiest man alive." Tenzin says giving her that stupid grin he had. he held back a laugh too knowing her reaction before she did it. 

Lin rolled her eyes at that one. "Enough with the sappy stuff."

"Can I kiss you?" He asks figuring he minus well but he's already lowering his head.

Lin's surprised that he asked. "Tenzin, you're my husband you can always kiss me." She says softly.

"Good" he mumbles as he drops his lips to hers and kisses her slowly. Lin rises up on her toes to get more leverage and pull him closer as he half moans into her mouth. He really did miss her. 

"Unfortually for you I'm not having sex in the snow." Lin says when they finally pull apart from the need for air.

Tenzin laughs pulling her closer. "For now I'll settle for promising never to be away from me for that long ever again." resting his chin on her head. 

Lin nods into his chest. "I don't plan on letting you out of my sight for that long." Thank the spirits, Tenzin thought because he didn't know if he could stand it again. 

Later that night the entire family plus Korra's family and friends are all in the living room of Katara's humble home. Tonraq and Jinora are still recovering from their ordeals and everyone else is just happy to finally relax. Korra seemed so much lighter now happily laughing and smiling with her friends. Lin is sitting next to him talking to his mother and watching the others. 

"I love you and I could never love anyone else." Tenzin says quietly as he kisses her temple. He has his arm over her shoulders as she leans against him as they watch the kids play jenga. Bumi and Kya are talking with Korra's parents. 

He knew she smiled back as she said. "Love you too, airhead." 


End file.
